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Dear Lauren, When my boyfriend and I get into a fight he remains withdrawn for the rest of the day and isn’t as affectionate as he usually is. Therefore, you need to learn how to get the reassurance you need from the partner you've got…I can’t help but worry I’ve ruined things and he’s having doubts about us. It’s easy to make assumptions about women who need reassurance. You actually did this when you asked for him to “say something nice.” But the magic happens when you’re even more specific and ask for the words you want to hear.I feel desperate for reassurance that we’ll be okay. When you seek reassurance about his love for you, it’s especially frustrating for a man. Why else would he listen to you talk about your day, help put the groceries away and pay for the movie tickets? When I use this tool in my relationship, I like to say: “I know you don’t have a ton to give at the moment. There are words I’d like to hear that would help me feel better.I ask him to say something nice to make me feel better. When he gets the message over and over again that he’s not doing a great job, he starts to believe you and eventually he’ll stop trying, throw in the towel, and walk away from the relationship. If there's a part of you that can connect with them in a genuine way, would you say this to me: I get how you might have reservations about step #1. This is an area where men and women often show their differences. Dear John- My relationship with my boyfriend of 6 years now is like a fairy tale! I know i am young, but we talk about marriage and kids in the future.
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